Scalding Rivers
by EtherealShadow
Summary: Ryou angst. And lots of it. After another beating, he reflects on his life and his Yami. Implied self-mutilation. Oddness. What else can I say?


A/N: MUAHAHAHAHAHA! I am the Goddess of Ryou angst! Lol not really, but I am improving. *grins* The cutting thing came from an idea the other day when I was in a particularly foul mood, and the shower thing actually came from last night when my friend pissed me off lol. You'd be amazed how much a scalding shower in the pitch darkness can calm you lol. Other than that, I have some more motes at the end, so check them out when you're done ^_^

Disclaimer: Sadly, I do not own Ryou. Or Bakura. Damn it all lol.

OH! IMPORTANT! All, and I repeat **ALL** seeming capitalization errors are PURPOSEFUL. If you yell at me for it, I will laugh in your face and then set you on fire. So don't. Muahahaha!

******

Ouch. That hurt. Bet it'll look _really_ pretty tomorrow.

Another day, another beating. As usual, I had done nothing wrong. All I did was walk into the door of my house.

My father wasn't home. Big surprise. He was due two weeks ago. All I got was a phone call that lasted all of one minute as he told me that he was staying in Egypt longer, and that I had his credit card if I needed anything and to buy food. But I am used to it. It doesn't bother me any more.

Yet it does.

Anyway, the very instant my foot touched the interior of my home, my Yami reached out and pulled me inside, slamming and locking the door. Up the stairs we went and into my room. As usual.

I slowly lifted my face from the carpet. I could already tell that it was swollen. I could barely see out of my left eye. Painstakingly, I hauled myself up off the floor. My Yami had most certainly done a number on my already exhausted body. I gingerly touched my arm, not surprised to discover that my fingers were now covered in blood.

It is always like that. Never my face. Always my arms, or stomach, or legs. Always that which can be covered. He is never careless enough to let Yuugi's Yami find out.

I staggered towards the bathroom connected to my room. The walls spin; the floor tilts at unnerving angles. At least once it rushes up to meet me, quite possibly more. Thinking about Yuugi's Yami brings tears to my eyes, making it even harder to move. The pounding in my head increases until it drownes out all other sound.

Yami.

My Yami.

i'm worthless.

Finally, i pull myself into the bathroom. i pause to stare into the mirror.

Looking forlornly back at me is me. i am worthless, nothing more than a lonely, pathetic fool. Bruised and tattered, i look like a shadow of my former self. Before i met Him. 

Him.

i let my clothes fall from my aching body. my hand slams into the light switch with force, knocking it down. Darkness floods the room. Much better. my life has been eclipsed by shadows. It seems only fitting that i should try to find my solace within them.

Shadows.

Yami.

my Yami.

First one foot, then the other, steps shakily into the cool tub. i fall into a kneeling position, not even wincing as my knees connect harshly with the surface of it. The pain is small compared to everything else. My eyes slide shut; with the complete and total lack of light, i do not need them open to see.

Mercifully, my Yami has withdrawn. For now.

Yami.

hikari.

Yami.

hikari.

Yami.

hikari.

Yami.

Yami.

Yami.

Yami.

my fingers unconsciously run across the skin of my right arm, halting their trip at the crook of my appendage. As light as a butterfly they trace over the Kanji written there. One stroke per beating. There it is, perfect in its truth.

Kanashii.

Sorrow.

What i have become. Everything i now am.

i finished it last time. i do not even need to illuminate the area to trace it stroke by stroke.

Kanashii.

Yami.

hikari.

Yami.

hikari.

YamiYamiYami.

i stand. With a jerk of my hand, the shower turns on, blasting me with cold water.

Hotter.

Must be hotter.

Hotter.

The water courses down my back in scalding rivers. 

Burning.

Scalding.

Burning.

Stinging.

Burn the pain out of me. let it fall from me and wash down the drain with the blood i know is fleeing from my body.

i wish they would just leave me alone. With all of my pathetic being i wish they would. Then i would be free. Free of all the stress, the burdens that they unknowingly place upon me.

So i distance myself. And then they get mad at me. But they don't really care. No one cares about me. Why would they not see, if they truly cared? Even Yuugi. Especcially Yuugi. He is the most like me.

But no, he is too concerned with his yami. His yami that cares about him. His yami that would do anything for his hikari.

Everything that i'll never have.

i feel the tears start coursing down my face, cool compared to the scalding water that vies with them for room on my skin.

i'm so lonely.

So lonely.

Yami.

hikari.

Yami.

hikari.

Yami.

hikari.

Yami.

Scalding.

Stinging.

Burning.

Hurting.

Lonely.

Kanashii.

hikari.

Yami.

All i want is for Him to view me as worthy. Only for a minute, a second, a nanosecond even. I want Him to love me. I as His Hikari; He as My Yami. Just once.

Once.

Scalding.

Beating.

Burning.

Kanashii.

Hurting.

Yami.

hikari.

Wanting.

Crying.

Hurting.

Scalding.

Yami.

hikari.

Scalding.

i realize i have frozen in place, my arms wrapped around my body in a simulation of a hug as the hot water runs down my back. my head hangs as the tears continue to fall. The water is pooled around my feet, red with my lifeblood.

Lonely.

Yami.

Why, Yami?

Why could you not care?

Not care for your hikari?

Not care for me?

Why? 

WHY!?

Bitter sobs erupt from my throat, making my body convulse. All i want is to end my life. Then maybe He'll respect me. Then maybe He'll miss me. If He even notices that i'm gone. 

Worthless little me. No one will notice. No one will care.

Silence.

Shadows. 

Scalding.

Crying.

Hurting.

i hear the sound of the shower curtain rings scraping on metal from behind me. A cool draft of air hits my burning body, chilling me.

Strong arms wrap around me from behind, enfolding me in their embrace. My heart flutters at the touch.

Not hurting.

i feel tears fall from my face, and i know that they land on His arms.

"Foolish Hikari." He is right next to my ear, cheek almost brushing mine. "One cannot be without the Other."

The water continues to course down my back.

Not burning.

******

A/N 2: No, Baki has not gone soft. I fully subscribe to the theory that once a yami is separated from a hikari in birth, there is no way that they can be apart. I believe that if one dies, the other will first feel like their heart is slowly being pulled from their bodies and that there is a huge hole within them, and then they'd die. And Bakura realizes that. So he just because he's doing what's necessary to keep his Hikari alive, he would not stop abusing our little Ryou. Granted, there may be some caring deep down, but that is not what this ficlet is about lol. 

And as for the scalding thing, very hot water stops being hot once you get used to it. Trust me on this one. It hurts like hell for a while, but then it totally stops. So Ryou is calming down and getting used to the fact that he and his Yami are forever. Eh, it made sense in my head anyway. I can't explain it very well x.x

And that's that. Until next time then. *salutes*

And just remmeber: For all you in the US, french fries are not french fries any more. Just as we were not allowed to call sauerkraut sauerkraut during WWI cause we were fighting the Germans, we must now call french fries "Freedom Fries." *refuses to comment about the stupidity of the American people* 


End file.
